I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Randomize
