I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
