I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
