Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
