He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
