I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
