For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I think I won the penis lottery.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
We left an ass print on the piano.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
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