I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Randomize
