I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Randomize
