The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
