Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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