Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
