The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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