You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
