that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
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Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
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I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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