Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
