my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize