I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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