did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Watching her eat just hurts me
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
