I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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