Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
