I think i peed on brittanys purse
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
