I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
organizing the empties. That sober.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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