That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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