Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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