The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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