Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
