Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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