38 yer olds are good kisserssss
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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