brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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