If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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