She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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