Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
