it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
