I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
