I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
