Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized: ‘Oh Sh*t, I’m An A**hole’
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
30 Tiny Celebrity Tattoos You’ll Want To Run Out And Copy ASAP
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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