Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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