Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
