I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.