so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
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His apartment number was 69. I had to.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
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I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go