Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
