put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
