How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
