the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I'm always down for nudity.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
