and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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