How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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