Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
