Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
