it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Randomize
