Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
