am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
we should paint friendship bongs
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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