Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Randomize
