help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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