also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
