She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
