Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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