i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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