My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
