just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
it's like heaven, but drunker
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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