im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
