Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Randomize
