Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
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