I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Randomize
