The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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