I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
