Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
