It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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