is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
