She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
