I haven't been this sober since birth.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
