I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
