wrigley field is MILF paradise
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
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