I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize