I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
