Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
