thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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