hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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