I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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