I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
