dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
