He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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